Two Pommie Sheilas: Poor Meghan Markle faces the dreaded bump watch

After seven years of happily living in sin, I was at peace with the idea that my partner and I would for ever reside together quietly and securely unbetrothed.

It never occurred to me to be bothered that we weren’t married. My only comment to him on that score was that if he wanted children then the deed would have to be done at some point. As children were not on the cards either, I hadn’t really given it much thought.

Apparently that wasn’t the case for those around us. After he got down on bended knee in Paris three years ago, friends and family told us they had for years been desperately hoping for a big announcement.

We (or rather I suspect here, I) had been simply ignoring all those comments such as, “Surely you need to properly settle down, dear”.

I was hoping the addition of a poodle puppy to our lives was enough of a contract for anyone to maintain the romance and permanency of a relationship.

Even we normal human beings down here can’t be allowed to exist without commentary on our personal and reproductive lives.

So, while our engagement may not have been on the scale of public hysteria that poor Prince Harry and his gorgeous, if unconventional, choice in bride-to-be, Meghan Markle, have had to put up with in terms of the “finally he put a ring on it” stakes, I do have a passing understanding of what they’ve gone through in getting to this stage.

And I have a warning for them, too — this is just the start.

As the old nursery song says, “First comes love; then comes marriage; then comes baby in a baby carriage”.

No sooner has Harry put the ring on the finger of the royal family’s first mixed-race duchess, you can guarantee women’s mags will start baby-bump watch. I bet if we continue to devour the coverage of the exciting proposal, you’ll soon start to see a few mentions creep in about the pitter-patter of tiny feet.

Even with a new little prince or princess from William and Kate’s side of the family, the likely new Duke and Duchess of Sussex — the title royal watchers widely believe the Queen will bestow upon the happy young pair — are going to be under enormous pressure to get going with the offspring.

Especially as (whisper it to avoid upsetting anyone) the newly engaged Meghan is 36. So time is a-ticking.

Even we normal human beings down here can’t be allowed to exist without commentary on our personal and reproductive lives from the masses around them, so there’s little chance of celebrities being shielded from it.

But Meghan, if you’re reading, there are ways of stopping it from driving you mad. My big tip — especially now I’m pregnant with our first child and already being asked at eight months when our second is going to be making an appearance — is to get good at turning the question around on the inquirer.

Favourites are: “I’m not sure when we’ll have kids. When is the right time? For example, when did you know you were going to become so insufferably rude?” Or: “When you cough up and pay for them.”

With an outspoken American like Meghan near to the throne, I do hope she’ll take after Harry’s grandfather Prince Philip and come out with cracking one-liners to counteract the, frankly, rude questions.

Good luck, Meghan, we’ll be watching to see how you handle the next phase and have more than a little hope you’ll turn out to be a fun and feisty royal.

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