Opinion: Boobs or bums but not both of them

Schoolgirls are embracing it, adults spend months at the gym for it and, if you’ve seen the photos this week, you’ll see that model Emily Ratajkowski has sent social media into a stir with her version of it.

Bottom-baring was officially the in-thing last summer and, just when we thought we’d seen the back of this hideous trend, it’s back in all its inappropriate glory.

No, I’m not only against them because my own backside isn’t exactly primed for being squished into thong-back bathers this summer.

When I was a young one who spent weekends drinking alcopops down sticky-carpet nightclubs, my mum gave me a piece of advice which stayed with me. “It’s boobs or bums, love, never both.”

The advice remains timeless. Be it a night on the town, a day at the races, a school ball or a day at the beach, the advice I was given was to try to imagine what it’d be like to bump into an elderly relative.

While any teenagers reading this might meet my words with the same eye-rolls I gave my mum as a young one, I’m grateful I scurried off to my room for a pair of thick tights to wear on that night out.

Yes, I still have plenty of embarrassing photographs to speak of, but thankfully none of them show me showing parts of my body that would have prompted an “inappropriate warning” sticker.

It doesn’t matter how many squats you did down the gym over winter, that picture you posted on Facebook of your rear end at Scarborough Beach can’t be clawed back.

Privacy settings engaged or not, your employer could see it, your grandmother could see it, or, God forbid, some internet predator you’ve never met could see it.

If that’s still not enough to put you off, think about the boobs and bum rule. After all, showing the backside at the beach just isn’t very ladylike.